he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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