i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
