Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
