i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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