you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
