hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
