I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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