we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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