Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
