Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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