I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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