Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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