They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
