butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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