sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
