I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
