after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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