We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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