When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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