He is such a slut. More and more my type.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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