PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
