At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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