He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im six kinds of drunk right now
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did you pee in the oven last night??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize