I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
