Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
3pm strippers are depressing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
