Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
