Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
