I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
