you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
