dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
