I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
