someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
