no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
