If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
