ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize