I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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