I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
