then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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