Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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