good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
