I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
