not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
