she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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