You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize