i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
