i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
