I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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