The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
