your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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