Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize