anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
