Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
