Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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