You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
