My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You can't just leave with hair like that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
