Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
