This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
