He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
