I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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