I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we're so committed to being not committed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize