She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
