you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He felt like a one man threesome
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
