her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
