we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize