btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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