its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
