what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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