idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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