That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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