and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I forget how to act sober
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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