Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
