I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
