and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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