As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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