Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
