they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
