ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
