If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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