you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize
