My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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